Make Believe

I make believe a little bit
Every day of my life.
I make believe
And hope belief
Becomes a tangible fact.
But I always end up
Sorely disappointed
And find that my daydreams
Are nothing more than
Clouds and thoughts.
I drag around in sadness
Until I forget and stupidly
Begin to make believe again,
Begin to daydream again.
And again I am disappointed,
Devastated when
Nothing at all comes of my dreams.
I cry a little bit
Every day of my life,
As I think of all the dreams
That I’ve wasted,
That have been dashed to pieces.
I try to ignore the thoughts,
I try to quell my tears,
But the sadness and
Bitter disappointment
Simply attaches to my heart,
Growing, until it stops being a sadness
And starts being a sorrow
And eats away at my lungs,
Making my breathing
Rapid and shallow and tired.
I make believe a little bit
Every day of my life.
Though it makes me weaker,
I cannot stop,
And slowly, slowly, slowly,
My dreams stab my heart
And eat away my soul.

So Bright

Everything is not okay.
This loneliness grows greater
Every day. Every hour
I paint my face happy
And play a game.
They believe my ruse
While greater they bruise
My heart, my soul.
Everything is not alright.
These dull eyes once were
Filled with light,
So bright, so bright.
Now dead and grey
As this game I play
Fools them, tells them
I’m alive. They don’t see
Every pain, every ache in my soul.
Everything is not just fine.
They carry on with their perfect
And faithless lives,
While I sit here, surrounded,
Yet all on my own.
Not knowing, not feeling,
Just hoping God sees me.
I pray He’ll have mercy, relieve my pain,
Give me a new heart,
A new soul that can’t feel
This loneliness great.
As I play this game
With my painted-on smile,
This trickery beguiles
Their unwitting, uncaring brains.
This happiness I feign,
Hiding my heart, my pain.
Everything is not okay.
I’m thrown into the world,
Told to make my own way.
No one cares if I cry,
They can’t see my tears
With their perfect pure eyes,
As I watch my past, my childhood die.
All my friends in their books
With pain at me look
As these harsh people burn them
Into oblivion.
Into ash, into wind, into air,
Nothing has ever been fair.
How can they not see
Through this game I’m playing?
They believe me, my ruse,
My painted-on smile
That hides my heart, my pain.
They can’t see past my disguise,
They ignore these dull eyes that once
Were filled with light.
So bright, so bright.

Down The Road

This hungry heart and restless soul
Have at last decided to let go.
These feet walk away from all they know,
And start off down the road.

In twenty years will I really care
About the belongings that surround me here?
I’ll remember the wind blowing through my hair,
And standing in a thunderstorm, laughing and scared.

I toss away my burden of things,
Get rid of every useless belonging,
Free my hair and change my thinking,
And begin at last truly living.

And so into the world I go,
Excited and terrified and on tiptoe.
But so many things I’ll come to know
As I start my life down the road.

©The Wild Poesy, 2012-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.


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